you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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