Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
