More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
