pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
