i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
