she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
