i can't believe i had my finger in that
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
