Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize