So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
