i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize