you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
