So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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