Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
