I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
