dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
