Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
