We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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