it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
