well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize