Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
