I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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