Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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