it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
