So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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