Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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