You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
