I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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