walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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