i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Who died my cat blue again?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
