note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
