I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
