We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
