So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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