He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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