How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
