I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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