She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize