hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
