she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
