morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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