Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
