Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I woke up under a house in Key West
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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