May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
