I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
