Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
