His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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