I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize