yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
