the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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