Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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