My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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