The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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