Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
