I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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