His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize