im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
