yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
