No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dear god my vagina.
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