When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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