I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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