she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
