Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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