You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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