Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
