i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
