Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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