my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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