I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
