Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
