homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
