how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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