i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
