this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
