Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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