my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
