It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I need to calm my uterus...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
