Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
