i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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