he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
