Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
