you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
