If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
