While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
