I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
