i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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