Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
