My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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