is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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