where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
tell me about the eggs
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
