I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
