U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize