well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
