wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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