It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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