He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
