I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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