I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
