Ambien. No doubt about it.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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