I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
