grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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