i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
