is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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