I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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